Life behind my glasses

I know a romantic relationship nowadays is not your most important thing in life, but for me, it´s still important. And since I haven´t had any guy like me that much, or loved me in so many years, it just feels sad. Like, am I not worth of that kind of love? No guy would put the effort to know me and accept for who I am? Be interested in who I am? Physicall attracion is one thing, that barely touches the surface, but the emotional attraction is so much different. I feel hopeless with every year that goes by, and I´m still very much alone in that department. And the fact that right now in my life, the only guy is a 19 year old fuck boy, doesn´t really help.I am very much lost.

This boy just keeps messing with my mind. I don´t know what he wants, or why he acts the way he does with me. It´s just so damn confusing. Today he sent me an “Morning Gorgeous!” text, but it was from Snapchat, so I don´t know if he sent that text only to me or to other 5 girls, and that is just making me feel so paranoid. I can´t stop thinking about that.Like, I´m 26, he´s 19, I for sure feel he´s a Fuckboy, but forsome reason I can´t seem to have enough of him. I don´t appreciate this, at all.

I can´t seem to forget the boy´s smile the last time he kissed me. And I don´t miss him, but I miss that.

This boy just tried to get something from me, telling me to do it “For him”. And I just don’t know why he thinks that’s a reasonable excuse, since he’s not a best friend, a boyfriend or anyone close enough to me.

missveils:

Me w ppl I don’t have a crush on: babe, baby, hun, dear, love, light of my life
Me w ppl I have a crush on: pleased to make your acquaintance good sir, my good colleague.

coltre:

I feel so stupid sometimes because I fantasize too much about the people I like; I invent stories with them, I imagine entire days with them and how nice the future will be with pictures and letters and other tender things that makes a lot of sense in my mind. then the reality turn to be so much different and meaner and maybe the reason why it’s so difficult for me to accept it and letting people go it’s because I just want my future to be happy. in all my stories and castles I build inside of my mind, sadness just does not exist

This guy has been around in my life for many months now. And I’ve never been able to really figure out what I feel emotionally for him. I know I like doing him, like physically, he makes me feel things, a lot. He’s good at it with him. I know that. But how he makes me feel, is a struggle. And the thing is, I kinda know anyway that I don’t want a relationship with him, but I don’t want him to stop talking to him or give me some sort of attention. I crave that from him. Which doesn’t make me completely happy to be honest. I don’t like craving someone’s attention so bad. Even less from a literal boy, since he’s quite younger than me.